Albert Schweitzer

Albert Schweitzer does not want to disappoint his parents at his piano recietal.

Dr. Anton Schwab

Dr. Anton Schwab is looking forward to some hot cocoa.

Hjalmar R. Holand

Hjalmar R. Holand is attempting to combust small woodland creatures with his mind.

Alexander Nesmeyanov

Alexander Nesmeyanov had never realized that there was a secret door behind that bookcase.

James B. Reston

James B. Reston would like you to leave the room so he can decode this Top Secret message from the Johnny Dollar Junior Detective Agency

Joe Botsford

Joe Botsford just tooted.

Alan Moorhead

Alan Moorhead is going to need a bigger boat.

Thurlow Weed

Thurlow Weed can tell that you don't know the first thing about good barbeque.

Semyon Volfkovich

Semyon Volfkovich could smell a can of Alpo a mile away.

Brigadier Rhematullah Khan

Brigadier Rhematullah Khan is trying to be supportive of his son's interest in mime.

Dr. L.T.E. Thompson

Dr. L.T.E. Thompson could not be happier with the pole he installed in his den.

Sergei Lebedev

Sergei Lebedev will now increase the voltage for Subject #2.

Konrad Adenauer

Konrad Adenauer doens't think you've got the rocks to use that thing.

Lev Zenkevich

Lev Zenkevich has no idea what this is.

Vladimir Kotelnikov

Vladimir Kotelnikov just aced that Econ final.

Alexander Winter

Alexander Winter wants you to get off his lawn... 

but he's strangely transfixed by your tennis shorts.

Yuly Dolmatovsky

Yuly Dolmatovsky grows weary of your ridiculous attempts at escape.

Benjamin Rabinowitz

Benjamin Rabinowitz would like to have a word with you about your new "friends."

Vladimer Engelhardt & Dr. Newton E. "Newt" Ward

Vladimer Engelhardt wants to know if you have Prince Albert in a can.
Dr. Newton E. "Newt" Ward wishes the Russians would take the Hot Line more seriously.

Ivan Bardin

Ivan Bardin just nailed that field goal.

Jacques Hardré

Jacques Hardré has learned that a male Grizzly Bear can stand over 8 feet on his hind legs.

Dr. Thomas S. Amlie

Dr. Thomas S. Amlie sure gets a kick outta these here Jumble word puzzles.

James V. Forrestal

James V. Forrestal has gathered you here for a most diabolical amusement.

Lanin A. Gyurko

Lanin A. Gyurko loves Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Martin Buber

Martin Buber is waiting patiently for his Toaster Strudel.

Marcel Broodthaers

Marcel Broodthaers has been suddenly paralyzed by ennui.

William A. Buckingham

William A. Buckingham has just been cuckolded.

Capt. Marcus Coon

Capt. Marcus Coon is proud to mine the mithril of Khazad-dûm

Hu Shih

Hu Shih has an amusing anecdote that he would like to share with the group.

Lambert Jadot

Lambert Jadot demands satisfaction